I don’t need help.

Part 1

I don’t need help.

No one actually napping. Just me desperate for one!

No one actually napping. Just me desperate for one!

And — as I learned just recently  — not only will I not seek out support, apparently I’ll even silently resent you when you don’t help me….

You see, it was Monday night and I was exhausted. I had spent the day looking after my two little boys. I’d been awake since 4am rocking my 1 yr old back to sleep. I’d spent the day at the Science Center because my 3 yr old loves the Space Shuttle. Neither boy would take their nap that day so it was 4pm, I was running on empty and I emailed the guys in my  Men’s Group:

“I’m not coming tonight, as Monique’s away and I can’t get childcare.”

A reply shoots back to me over email:

“Disappointing Rich. You are a powerful man – getting childcare for a scheduled meeting is within your power. And you could easily be home by 11.”

I was angry. I knew better than to reply by email when I was mad. But I needed to get this one out of my system. I hit reply and typed furiously:

“You know what would be nice? It would be you checking in first to see how I’m doing. It would be you saying, It sounds like you might be having a hard time, Rich. It would be you checking in with me first before letting me know how much I’ve disappointed you or that you think I’m lacking power.”

And then I really let rip:

“It feels like I’ve been there so much for each of you over the past 6 years. I’ve coached most of you, I’ve supported most of you. I’ve even made powerful introductions to support some of you with your business or your family.

The past 6 months have been the toughest 6 months of my life. I’m physically and emotionally worn out in a way I’ve never felt before.

And I have no idea how to ask for support. But right now I’m feeling pretty angry.”

Well, the reason I’m in this group is that these guys see through my stories. And we have a ruthless commitment to speak our truth to one another.

An hour later, I received this reply:

“Awesome. This is perfect. How can we support you in an extraordinary way, Rich?

It’s great to see how incredibly deep this pattern of yours is. You go through “the toughest 6 months of your life” and NONE of your closest friends have any idea. Zero. That’s how deeply hidden you are.

When you meet your friends – its about service (powerful), helping others (strong) and not revealing.

Why don’t you reveal what’s going on with you – why the need to appear so strong?

You wrote “I’m exhausted and can’t find baby-sitting” – when you’re going through the toughest time of your life. That’s a big gap.

You must be really hurt to list things you’ve done for the group. I am sorry you feel hurt.”

Phew.

Ouch.

He’s so right.

I’m really present to the resentment in me at not receiving support. And yet I have no damn clue how to ask for it. Asking for, and receiving help seems so weak. My whole mission is to show up as powerful and to be there for others. So I actively keep it out.

Here’s the irony, of course: I’m in the middle of writing my second book about the qualities of high achievers that hold them back the most. Chapter 8 begins:

“YOU DON’T ‘NEED’ HELP.

Well, you don’t. People are astounded by what you create. You are one of the highest- achieving people you know. And you definitely don’t need support. In fact, you actively keep it out. You work hard to keep it out.

Now just imagine for a moment, what could be possible if you became available to support. Not because you ‘need’ it. You don’t. But just because it’s available. Not because help would make you weak. But because it would be a sign of strength from a powerful leader…”

Ouch, once more.

I’d been taking to me, all along…

“Friendship is more than just being there for your friends. Being a great friend means that you let your friends be there for you.”
— Shane Parrish

I don’t need help – Part 2

11075017_10153124301575498_5538440996301182408_oSaturday was such a challenging day for me. I watched myself as I put off and put off reaching out to my friends for support.

I could see my mind working, in the moment.

It took me over an hour to write a simple text to ask for help.

I have this story deep down of: I can handle it… Seeking help will be weakness… And why would you want to help me anyway…

But I was wrung out. Physically. Emotionally.

I had nothing left.

And I had a one year old and a three year old to take care of as Monique was away for the entire day. And I’d been up since 5.30am and now the boys wouldn’t take their naps and I had no clue what else to do with them and the day was barely half over…

And, for probably the first time ever, I had to get past those old, old stories of mine that I don’t need help.

So, finally, I did it.

I sent a text to some of my closest friends asking for help.

—–

And then I watched a second story showing up as I waited for their replies.

I don’t ask for help because if I ask and you don’t give it, I’ll feel rejected…

When some of them couldn’t help me—it didn’t matter that they were in Hawaii or had other commitments—I told myself that I didn’t matter to them. And I wished I hadn’t even asked.

—–

Well, one of my friends was in town and he didn’t hesitate to come over to be with me and my boys. And it was only once he arrived that I witnessed yet another story of mine that I didn’t even know I had.

This story goes… If you do show up, I’ll need to take care of you and that will be even more tiring. So it’s better not ask.

My friend, Steve came over and I so appreciated his company. He had such fun with my little boys, who loved him.

But I was in an unusual spot because I was simply too tired to ‘take care of him’ in the way I’d normally do.

I enjoyed hanging out with him but I was too tired to do anything other than enjoy being with him. I didn’t have the energy to ask the kind of questions I usually would, to find out about him and his life and how I could support him…

It may not make sense but I saw in the moment how that is where my attention usually goes. I need to take care of YOU…

No wonder I’m exhausted hanging out with people if that’s the energy that I bring to all my interactions. No wonder I like to be alone. No wonder I don’t ask for help.

Love. Rich

What Being A High Performer LOOKS Like vs What Being A High Performer FEELS Like

If you are in the midst of ‘messy’ right now, this one’s for you.

This is for you, if you’re looking at others and thinking, “It’s alright for them…”

This is for you, if you’ve been on a high and now have a sense that you’re in the lowest of the lows. If you’re feeling the pain of the struggle.

This is for you, if you’re frustrated with what Steve Chandler calls ‘the blue collar work’ of coaching (see chapter 64 in The Prosperous Coach).

This is for you, if you’re thinking, “not another fucking NO!”

This is for you, if you’re thinking, “I know money won’t make me happy… and I’d just like another few thousand dollars right now—ANYWAY!” OR “This would be so much easier IF ONLY… I was single/I had a partner/my kids needed just a little less attention/I had more money/I had more time/I had more experience/I knew the right people/I had better coaching skills/I believed in myself more/I had less fear….”

Thanks to Laura in 4PC for sending me her version of her exponential curve. It reminded me of this image on leadership by Hugh MacLeod.

The ‘problem’ with an exponential curve is that it looks – and FEELS – flat, right until it takes off ever so steeply…

Another member of 4PC shared a diagram showing her belief that when she reached the top of the exponential curve, there would be a “kaboom!” and she’d fall into the water where sharks awaited her.

Here’s what I said to her: “I’m curious what the OPPOSITE of that diagram would look like for you? With a title something like “Living into the Most Powerful Future I Could Imagine.”

What would a “Living into the Most Powerful Future I Could Imagine” diagram look like for YOU? Share it with me on Facebook

Love. Rich

P.S. Many of you have been asking when we are going to run the next public Prosperous Coach Intensive. I’m thrilled to announce that it will be September 17-20, 2015 and our theme will be “Selling the Invisible.” This will be the only public intensive this year, so I highly recommend purchasing your ticket during our advance access period (April 13-17). Visit www.richlitvin.com/intensive on April 13 to purchase your ticket.

THE YEAR OF EXTRAORDINARY

THE YEAR OF EXTRAORDINARY

or how my commitment to building a world-class team led to me hiring a millionaire as my personal assistant

Henry Ford once said:

“I am not the smartest, but I surround myself with competent people.”

BACKGROUND

My imagination was sparked when I read the words of Daniel Levitin, a neuroscientist, in The Organized Mind: Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload…

You see, he wrote that

“highly successful persons [from rock stars to Fortune 500 CEOs] tend to have remarkable organizational systems… They have many of the daily distractions of life handled for them [so they can] devote all of their attention to whatever is immediately before them. They seem to live completely in the moment.”

And that sounded simply incredible.

But I’m not a rock star or even a Fortune 500 CEO and although I’ve been practicing surrounding myself by extraordinary people for a while now, what I wanted to create next seemed truly outrageous.

You see, I want an Epic Personal Assistant.   Someone who allows me to live like a ‘Rock Star’. And I speak as a husband and a dad in the thick of parenting a one year old and a three year old!

Intuitively I got that it won’t be by waiting until—hopefully, one far off day—when I eventually arrive at the highest levels of success that I’ll finally hire an epic PA. It is by hiring one now that I’ll take my life and my business to epic levels.

So I want to share with you some insights from my journey.

Click here for the full article and to continue reading Rich’s 7 insights.

FAQ: I WANT TO BE A COACH

FAQ Resized

 

“I want to be a coach … I feel like its my calling. What do you recommend I do?”

Here are several things that you can do to assist yourself:

  1. Read The Prosperous Coach and take notes. Apply one single insight.
  2. Learn the power of deep coaching and the importance of not being more needy than your clients. Be prepared to quit coaching until you are ready.

    Watch this video twice and take notes. Apply one single insight.

  3. Read every article on this blog and take notes. Apply one single insight.

—–

True wisdom is not about taking in more information. 

You already have access to all the information you’ll ever need to become a World-Class coach. What counts is APPLYING what you’ve learned.

It’s not a coincidence that Christina Berkley​ is one of the most successful coaches in my online program, Evercoach. She immersed herself in The 90 Day Money Game last year. Twice. And she generated an additional $120,000 in coaching income as a direct result.

It’s not a coincidence that Christina Berkley is one of the most successful coaches in Evercoach. She is willing to collect NOs, fail, and screw up and then share this all with us, with such vulnerability.

It’s not a coincidence that Christina Berkley is one of the most successful coaches in Evercoach. Even though last year I invited her to be the first member of Evercoach to become an Ambassador, she STILL shares her INSIGHTS to almost every article I write or video I create. But, more importantly, she then APPLIES those insights.

—–

If you will do what I’ve shared above, you will also generate what you are asking for.

Do not let anything get in your way.

Love. Rich

A Client Says I’d Love To Work With You… And Then You Never Hear From Them

Daniel recently asked: What do you do if someone says Yes, then goes away and speaks with their partner who then changes their mind?

You know that feeling, right?

I mean they were a Hell Yeah client. They knew it and you knew it. They said they’d put the check in the mail. It was just a formality. Their first coaching call was already on your calendar.

And then it all went quiet.

Like the scene in an old Western when the tumbleweed blows across the set.

tumbleweed

Silence.

They said Hell Yes. And now they’re not even replying to your emails.

What happened?

Well, first let’s give some context:

THE FOURTH SALE

Since 90% of coaches never earn more than $20,000 a year, creating high-performing clients for high-powered coaching is unfamiliar to most coaches.

Most people writing online about how to ‘get’ clients are experts in marketing or selling products or programs. They’ll talk to you about the power of urgency or the importance of amplifying your client’s pain or the need to offer 30 minute taster sessions but no more.

And they miss the tiny but essential distinctions that make up the world of ‘Creating Clients’.

There’s something unique about ‘selling the invisible’. And there are four stages to creating high-performing clients that are easy to miss if you don’t know where to look.

SALE #1. The first sale begins with YOU.

Are YOU sold on you? Do you really believe in the power of coaching? Have you experienced powerful coaching? Have you invested in a powerful coach yourself? Have you invested more money than you feel comfortable to spend? Have you seen and felt others EXPERIENCE the impact of your coaching?

If you don’t yet believe in the power of coaching enough to invest in your own coach–why would a client ever invest in working with you? And if you don’t yet have a track record of clients with transformational stories about your work together you’re probably not yet ready to serve powerfully enough to enroll your own high-performing clients. Invest in your own coach and begin to build up a track record of coaching. It’s a stage I call “Coach Your Ass Off”.

SALE #2 begins before your first conversation.

The second sale is helping a potential client to decide to say yes to even having a powerful conversation with you.

Let’s be honest, time is precious. And in an ‘always on’ hyper-connected world, people have constant demands on their time, energy and attention.

WHY should they say yes to even having a conversation with you?

How do you stand out amidst the ‘noise’? Especially online.

Offering a ‘free session’ cheapens what you do and has people likely to say no. Offering a ’30 minute taster session’ is never going to allow a client to experience the full power of your coaching.

When was the last time you heard a lawyer or heart surgeon offer a free session? I’m doing 25 minute taster heart surgery sessions this month. Email me for a free session.

Don’t be a coach. Be a heart surgeon.

Offer the person in front of you an opportunity for something extraordinary. A life-changing conversation.

But not an offer on your website our your Facebook page. What coach isn’t offering ‘free sessions’ these days?

I mean create a reason so personal to the person in front of you that they simply can’t say no.

SALE #3 occurs when you make a powerful proposal.

You know the feeling. It’s the end of one of an incredible coaching session. You’ve helped your potential client see things they couldn’t see. You’ve said things to them no one else would dare to say.

And you can see it in their eyes, you can hear it in their voice…

They’ve had a life-changing insight. Their world has been rocked. They want more.

Or maybe they don’t even know they want more. But YOU can sense it. And you’re willing to get vulnerable. You’re willing to take a risk.

So you invite them to coach with you. You make them a powerful proposal.

That’s the moment most coaches are terrified of. And if they even get this far, they are so relieved to have made a proposal out loud that they think their mission is over.

They don’t even know about The Fourth Sale…

SALE #4 occurs AFTER a client has said YES.

At this moment most coaches are jumping in the air saying Yippeeeeeee… I have a new client!

But a great coach doesn’t do that because they understand that their client is going to walk out of their office or leave their call and then speak to someone they love and trust.

Here’s how the conversation will go:

Client: OMG. I just got coached. It was amazing. I’m going to hire my own coach.

Client’s husband: Uh, huh. What’s a coach?

Client: Well, he’s a person I’m going to talk to every week.

Client’s husband: What for?

Client: He’ll help me to make my dreams come true.

Client’s husband: Really?

Client: Yep. [A little defensive]

Client’s husband: How’s he gonna do that?

Client: Errr… By talking to me.

Client’s husband: Uh huh. How much does he charge for talking to you?

Client: $5,000.

Client’s husband: FIVE THOUSAND DOLLARS! For ‘talking’ to you? Are you serious? I’ll talk to you about your dreams. And I’ll buy you all of Tony Robbins cds and we’ll still have enough left over for a holiday and a new flatscreen tv.

Client: I never thought about it like that…

————————

Coach: [EMAIL] Hey, you said you were ready to start coaching but you haven’t sent your payment yet…

Client: SILENCE [sound of new flatscreen tv in background]

————————

Here’s a powerful new approach.

Preempt this conversation.

SLOW DOWN. TEST THE YES.

When they say, I’m in, say, Hang on. Let’s slow things down for a moment.

Are you sure?

Let’s take a minute or two.

Let’s be certain you’re not rushing things.

Is there anyone you’d need to check in with first before you can really call this a ‘HELL YES’?

How about your husband? How about your business partner? How about your Board of Directors?

YOU might be FEELING like a Hell Yes, right now.

But they haven’t been in this conversation.

What would THEY need to know to support your Hell Yes?

Do they even know what coaching is? Have they ever experienced really deep, powerful coaching?

Plus, the MOST IMPORTANT thing I want you to understand—and I want you to let anyone know that you talk to about this—is that you do NOT ‘need’ coaching.

And you DO NOT ‘need’ ME as your coach.

I believe in you.

You have the ability to create EVERYTHING you want to create—WITHOUT me and WITHOUT coaching.

Now, if you ‘want’ coaching, that’s different. I’m here for you. But you don’t ‘need’ me.

[It’s important for me to emphasize that this isn’t some kind of ‘script’. These are my words. You’ll need to find your own in order to be authentic.

And if you don’t believe deeply in the person in front of you then don’t say you do–either keep digging deeper to find the ‘Glimpse of Genius’ or call them a Hell No and move on.]

NOW WATCH THE FIRST 24 MINUTES OF THIS VIDEO TO HEAR ME TELL A STORY OF THIS IN ACTION:

Back to the original question: “What do you do if someone says Yes, then goes away and speaks with their partner who then changes their mind?”

No one’s partner can ever change their mind. If they change their mind after speaking to someone else I use that as a reminder to myself that I didn’t serve them powerfully enough.

That may not be ‘the truth’ but it sure helps me to up MY game.

And I make sure that my next coaching session with a potential client is even more life changing.

WHAT ARE YOUR INSIGHTS? WHICH OF THESE 4 STAGES IS YOUR WEAK LINK? AND WHAT DO YOU INTEND TO DO ABOUT IT?

Love. Rich

MASTERY. Or How To Become An Overnight Success As A Coach—in Just 46 Years

“The only way to get good at something

is to completely immerse yourself in it.

To the outside world, immersion is the

same as magic.”

— James Altucher

 

When I left university I had a deep inner knowing that a joint degree in Biology and Economics had prepared me for absolutely nothing when it came to the world of work.

All I knew is that I wanted a job that involved working with people.

I said yes to an opportunity to work as a Personnel Officer at Great Ormond Street Children’s Hospital in London. I had no idea what Personnel Officer meant but it was something to do with people, right?

Well, kinda.

It turned out that the National Health Service in the UK was incredibly bureaucratic and whilst I was nominally involved in hiring and supporting employees, I was rather more involved in photocopying resumes and application forms.

One day—eight months into my first job—I went to a career’s fair to recruit employees for our hospital. I was so bored that I sat down at the back of the main hall to take a break. And I began to listen to a presentation about teaching.

I was fascinated. I’d be able to work with people—students—and make a real difference to their lives. I was in.

I QUIT

I applied on the spot and resigned my job the next morning.

Two weeks later I drove my first car—a little mini metro with red go faster strips that I’d carefully stencilled down the side—to the town of Oxford and I entered Oxford University’s Department of Education for the first time.

This was it. I was now a high school teacher.

And I was terrified.

I went on a visit to a primary school. And it was crazy. A room full of noisy, little people. One of these tiny people came up to me and said, You’ve got a spot on your head.

Nobody does that. It’s a social convention that you don’t comment on people’s appearance—to their face. But these little five year olds didn’t care. They spoke their truth.

I WAS TERRIFIED

And then I began teaching in a high school. I remember being ‘chased’ down a hallway by two 17 year old girls. They could sense my fear. Remember, I was only 22 at the time. They were making suggestive comments and laughing and I remember crashing into the teacher’s office with a sigh of relief as I slammed the door behind me. I was safe. For a moment.

I taught in inner city London for 8 years. And I taught in rural Botswana. I helped set up an International school in Brunei, where I lived for 4 years.

And I made mistake after mistake after mistake. I paid too much attention to the behavior of the naughty kids—instead of helping them to learn. I walked out of classes more exhausted than my students—hint: it should be the other way around. I raised my voice when I felt frustrated. I spent hours and hours planning lessons that didn’t inspire the students. I was so concerned about moving up the career ladder that in my first 360 profile, my colleagues said they thought I didn’t care about the kids. That one hurt. As a leader, I challenged my bosses without trying to see where they were coming from first. I read too much about leadership instead of practicing being a leader.

 

“Magic is just someone spending more

time on something than anyone else

might reasonably expect.”

— Teller (of Penn & Teller)

 

A GROWTH MINDSET

But I had one thing working for me. I loved teaching and learning.

I had what’s called a Growth Mindset towards being a teacher and being a leader:

 

“In a growth mindset, people believe that

their most basic abilities can be developed

through dedication and hard work—brains

and talent are just the starting point. This

view creates a love of learning and a

resilience that is essential for great

accomplishment.”

—Carol Dweck

 

So I kept making mistakes.

And I kept learning.

And I got incrementally better over time.

Inspired by Sigmund Freud, I created The Wednesday Night Club in 1998. Freud’s Wednesday Night Club was group of fellow psychoanalysts that gathered together every week. At the end of his life, the members credited this with the best professional development they’d ever received. Our Wednesday Night Club—a group of teachers who were leaders—met to discuss teaching and learning and leadership. We read books together, challenged each other and inspired each other.

 

SPEND MONEY ON TWO THINGS

At a young age, I got the message to only spend money on two things—learning and experiences. And I’ve invested heavily in both, ever since.

I’ve never stopped spending money on my own Professional Development. I’ve traveled around the world to meet amazing teachers and coaches and I’ve studied online—everything from Stephen Covey’s 7 Habits to Non-Violent Communication to a Masters degree in Educational Effectiveness and Improvement to the Harvard Negotiation Project.

Eventually I took on the role of Vice Principal and I had a vision to shake up the world of education in my next role as a Headteacher. I’d been trained in coaching skills as part of my training for Headship—when one day my world came to a screeching halt, on the day I was fired.

YOU’RE FIRED

“I don’t see a place for you in this organization,” said the new Headteacher coldly.

She had to repeat it four times before it sunk in that I couldn’t turn this one around. The inspiring boss, I’d gone to work for had left only a few weeks after I’d arrived. And the consultant who’d been brought in to advise him was given his role. I can smile now because I see clearly why she fired me. I didn’t like her as a consultant and let her know it. So when she took on her new role, it was pretty clear that I had to go.

I cried my heart out as I drove home that morning—too humbled to even say goodbye to my students.

And I make it sound like a cool story that I headed off to live on a beach in Thailand for the next six months but the truth is I was humiliated and hurt and the last thing I wanted to do was to step foot back inside a school.

I gave every book and cd I owned to charity, packed a backpack and the last thing I did before heading to the airport was to grab a pack of playing cards. They weren’t your standard set of cards. They’d been designed for coaches by a man who was later to become one of my very best friends—Jamie Smart. And they simply had a great coaching question on the back of each card.

 

IT’S CALLED COACHING

New to Thailand, I’d sit in cafes and on beaches playing with these cards.

What are you doing? people would ask.

It’s called coaching, I’d reply.

Can I play?

Sure.

And that was it.

I began coaching on a beach.

And it wasn’t hard. The questions were there for me. On the cards.

People had time. We were on a beach, after all.

So we could dive deep.

And then deeper still.

And then one day someone said to me, Thank you. That conversation was life changing.

And she blew my mind. Really? We just talked. I just asked you some questions.

Life changing, she replied.

And I was hooked.

My next surprise was on the day when someone said, Let me pay you. That was amazing.

I’d never been paid cash money for a service in my life. I’d only ever had my salary wired into my account at the end of each month.

OK! I said.

And she handed me about 300 Thai baht. It was about $7 at the time. But it could have been $7,000. I was amazed.

A month or two later, I signed my first paying client. He paid me $10 a month. And it was wired to my account. And once again I was amazed. Looking back, I’d have been paid more working at McDonalds. But I was doing what I loved. People loved it. And they wanted to pay me. This was amazing.

I left my beautiful beach in 2006 to fly to San Francisco to get a coaching certificate. You need one to be a coach, right? Well, the course was so bad, I quit after 2 days. I never did get a coaching certificate.

But I did immerse myself in learning and training.

That growth mindset I had about teaching and leadership—turns out I had it for coaching, too.

 

NEVER STOP LEARNING

I trained and I studied and I studied and I trained. I learned from and with world-class coaches—like Guy Sengstock, Kevin O’Malley, Alexis Shepperd, Jerry Candelaria. One day my friend, Kevin said, it was like you just kept showing up again and again and again.

He was right. I was relentless.

I met Nicole Daedone. What a gift. Nicole rocked my world. She challenged me. She bought into none of my stories. She pushed me to my limits and then she had me experience there were no limits.

But I knew I wanted more. I wanted to really dive deep. And I decided to invest almost all of my savings on a $50,000 Apprenticeship with Michael Neill. It was a lot easier after that when I stated my fee at the time of $20,000, when I heard the reply, That’s expensive. I’d smile and say, Well, that depends…

 

F**K UP. AGAIN. AND AGAIN. AND AGAIN.

I kept making mistakes along the way. I pissed off many of my friends by trying to coach them without permission. I was so needy for the money that clients could sense it and I’d get no after no after no. I was fired by a client for trying to coach her over email for missing a session—when I’d never created a clear agreement with her. I coached a client around his relationship whilst I was struggling in my own. I was fired by a CEO client when she didn’t create the results she wanted but I’d been too in awe of her to challenge her and I’d tried to please her instead of really serving her. I made mistake after mistake after mistake.

I immersed myself in a year long Transformational Coach/Leader Training and I joined the Faculty of Michael Neill’s Supercoach Academy. Best job in the world. I got to learn. And coach. And learn. And coach. And I met amazing people and traveled the world doing so. Now that’s what I call a gig.

I was coached by Bill Cumming. Bill changed my world when he helped handle my money fears. For ever. One day, hearing yet again my concerns about all the money running out, he smiled and said, Rich, one thing I get about you is that if you really did become homeless and you had to go and live in a homeless shelter—I’d give you about two weeks before you’d be running the shelter.

I laughed. He was right. He was so right.

And then I began to train with Steve Chandler and everything changed. I learned how CREATE clients. Not ‘attract’ them. Not ‘get’ them. I literally created clients. I made bold proposals and I learned to love the NOs more than the YESes. I attended four of Steve’s six month trainings in a row and he eventually asked me to join the Faculty of his Coaching Prosperity School.

 

I QUIT. AGAIN.

Soon after, I become CEO of the personal coaching wing of an International Coaching company with a multi-million dollar revenue. I was thrilled to be called a CEO for the first time ever. But working for an organization didn’t sit right with me. Truthfully, I was mainly there because I was afraid to go out on my own as a coach.

A few months later my own coach, Michael Neill said to me, “Rich, I get why they want you. I just don’t get why you want them.” I knew what to do. I quit the next day.

A while later, I began a year of coaching with Steve Hardison. Steve’s url is theultimatecoach. And this is not an understatement. I had to fly from LA to Phoenix every 2 weeks for my coaching. And Steve helped me get how I ‘create’ my life. Life isn’t done to me—from the outside in. Life is created from the inside out. And I began to show up in a new way.

At this time, I’d become a father and I was learning more than I’d ever learned about psychology, enrollment, motivation and manipulation—and what’s TRULY important about life—from my little baby boy.

“Ordinary people believe only in the

possible. Extraordinary people visualize

not what is possible or probable, but

rather what is impossible.

And by visualizing the impossible,

they begin to see it as possible.”

—Cherie Carter-Scott

 

WE SEE YOU

A backdrop to the past 6 years has been my Men’s Group. I knew I wanted the support of a Men’s Group when I moved to LA. I coach a lot of very powerful women and my wife’s a very powerful woman—so I need to stay very grounded. But I was clear. I didn’t want to be leading a Men’s Group. I wanted a group of my peers. Powerful men who could see through my bullshit and not be impressed by my accomplishments.

I’ve been privileged to be part of a small group of world leaders that includes—7-figure business owners, a world-class photographer, a man who trains millionaire and billionaire philanthropists, a best-selling author, a surgeon turned high-end headhunter, a rocket scientist, and a man who’s been a soldier, an athlete and now runs a wolf sanctuary that rescue and trains wolves to help coach at-risk teenagers.

These men have challenged me to my edge over the years. They’ve believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. They’ve said to me the things that no one else would dare to say. They know secrets about me that no one else knows. John Wineland, Mark Thornton, Keith Kegley, Stephen Bochner, John Baker, Teo Alfero, and Nicolas Sage, Rod Wunsch, James Price.

I have a buddy named Sean Stephenson who has a commitment to call out my greatness—and see nothing less in me. I have the same commitment to him. We hold nothing back from one another.

And behind all that I’ve had three men in my life from London who’ve learned and grown with me for close to 30 years. These guys know everything about my world. I’ve loved them and been mad with them and loved them again. Chrys Perera, Michael Odeku and David Lazare.

Oh and I have an amazing wife—Monique DeBose—who was crazy to say yes when I proposed to her 10 days after we met.

Eight years later we’re still here, riding the ups and downs of relationship. And we’re still living our vows, which include the words: “We agree to stay connected no matter what… We agree to play at 100%… You owe me nothing. And I have everything I need… We create and have fun and meaningful and passionate experiences, for ourselves and for each other… We make a difference in the world by being our powerful, creative, authentic selves. We have a willingness to know the truth of each other’s hearts. And we love each other. Even when it’s hard.”

I have had amazing clients over the years and I’ve helped build an incredible community of coaches—The Prosperous Coach community. They now include many leaders in the world of coaching. You know who you are.

 

THE JOURNEY OF MASTERY

To step into your power, requires you to travel on a journey of mastery. You have to practice diligently and hone your skills to attain new levels of competence. And you have to be willing to keep practicing even when you seem to be getting nowhere.

I’ve been on this journey as coach and as a leader and as a man.

My biggest challenge has always been the moments I’ve reached a plateau and got stuck there, failing to make progress towards my goals. I have an inbuilt resistance to change—and a desire for ‘safety’. And I used to get frustrated and abandon my goals.

But I’ve learned that to become a master at a skill I must stay on the path of mastery.

And Mastery is a journey, a process—not a goal or destination.

I have to regularly push back on the messages from society that sway me into believing in the idea of instant gratification. Most of the marketing I see online promises quick fixes and instant gratification. And it doesn’t work that way.

In George Leonard’s book, Mastery, he writes:

“The problem is that most time spent at your skill level is spent on a plateau where you do not improve and you are often frustrated. If you are willing to keep practicing, often you will improve a lot, then get a little worse and then hit another plateau.

Mastery is recognizing that this plateau is an improvement to your previous plateau and in order to be a master you must practice for the sake of practicing itself. Mastery is about loving the plateau.”

 

COACHING MASTERY

I’m almost ten years into my journey as a coach and one thing I’ve learned is that the magic of powerful coaching isn’t in me, the coach. It’s over there in the person being coached.

The magic of powerful coaching isn’t about a style or a system. The magic is not in any one technique. And there’s definitely no magic system for enrolling high-performing, high-end clients. Don’t believe anyone who tells you there is.

You see, powerful coaching is not magic. But it is magical in its impact.

Steve Chandler and I wrote a book about fearless coaching. We wrote about the power of making bold requests, that Yes lives in the Land of No, that Needy is Creepy, that your job is to seek HELL YESes or HELL NOs—but nothing in between, and your mission is to see the things your client cannot see and say the things no one else would dare to say.

Learn and practice these principles and your clients will thank you. Do not wait. Be fearless in your very first conversation with a potential client. Don’t wait until after someone has hired you. Let a potential client experience your power right away, right there in that very first, long and extraordinary intake conversation.

Make mistakes, fail. Fail again. And collect Hell Nos.

It’s the path to Mastery.

“Find something you’re passionate

about and keep tremendously

interested in it.”

—Julia Child

 

A GOOD PLAYER IS ALWAYS LUCKY

Almost 30 years ago, all I knew is that I wanted a job that involved working with people. I’m so privileged to have made that my path throughout this time. I’m a very lucky guy.

Although, as José Capablanca, one of the greatest chess players of all time, once said, “A good player is always lucky.” And… “You will have to lose hundreds of games before becoming a good player.”

Love. Rich

 

PS. Below is a taste of some of my favorite books on this journey to Mastery:

1. Mastery: The Keys to Success and Long-Term Fulfillment by George Leonard

2. Mastery by Robert Greene

3. The Practicing Mind: Developing Focus and Discipline in Your Life – Master Any Skill or Challenge by Learning to Love the Process by Thomas M. Sterner

4. Talent is Overrated: What Really Separates World-Class Performers from Everybody Else by Geoff Colvin

5. Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to Take Action by Simon Sinek

6. So Good They Can’t Ignore You: Why Skills Trump Passion in the Quest for Work You Love by Cal Newport

7. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol Dweck

8. Give and Take: Why Helping Others Drives Our Success by Adam M. Grant

9. Show Your Work!: 10 Ways to Share Your Creativity and Get Discovered by Austin Kleon

10. Steal Like an Artist: 10 Things Nobody Told You About Being Creative by Austin Kleon

11. It’s Not How Good You Are, Its How Good You Want to Be: The World’s Best Selling Book by Paul Arden

12. The Power of Full Engagement: Managing Energy, Not Time, Is the Key to High Performance and Personal Renewal by Tony Schwartz & Jim Loehr

13. The Click Moment: Seizing Opportunity in an Unpredictable World by Frans Johansson

14. Switch: How to Change Things When Change Is Hard by Chip Heath

15. Improv Wisdom: Don’t Prepare, Just Show Up by Patricia Ryan Madson

16. How Will You Measure Your Life? by Clayton M. Christensen

17. Get Off Your “But”: How to End Self-Sabotage and Stand Up for Yourself by Sean Stephenson

18. First, Break All the Rules: What the World’s Greatest Managers Do Differently by Marcus Buckingham

19. The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen R. Covey

20. Finite and Infinite Games: A Vision of Life as Play and Possibility by James P. Carse

21. Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill

22. The Prosperous Coach by Steve Chandler and some shy guy who still gets nervous every time he goes to a party, named Rich Litvin

SLOW THE **** DOWN

If you’ve known me for a while, you’ll know how much I believe in the power of Slowing Down to Speed Up.

I also believe in the power of “Failure”—because it’s never really failure if you learn from it. Here’s a great insight from one of our community members, Rebecca.

Rebecca sent me a message about a lovely email she received from someone she coached:

“I wanted to share an email with everybody because this is what I received when I started being myself – a vulnerable authentic and powerful coach:

‘I have truly been inspired by you and cannot express how much I appreciate the support and encouragement you have given and continue to give.

I am whole heartedly ready to make a change in my life, take a risk and really go after what makes me happy. I am learning to dream big and follow those dreams. I do believe I met you for a reason, and my journey with you is not over, I have no doubt that I will surely be coming to you for further guidance to help me really find my bigger purpose and making all these ideas I have into reality. You are more than a business coach, you are an inspiration and a guide through this journey…’

I worked with this person for seven days and then she chose not to work any longer! I made a bold proposal I went for it wholeheartedly.

Some of it paid off and some of it didn’t! We worked together, we were moving really fast and a little too fast!

What I learnt from this person was to never be afraid of the power of slowing down!”

Love. Rich

 

This is your most important word as a Professional Coach

NO = Your most important word as a Professional Coach.

NOs are key to becoming an extraordinary coach. Collect NOs. And say NO to anything less than a fabulous life.

Push for HELL NOs—or HELL YESs (nothing in between).

Hell-Maybe-graphic

THE 90 DAY MONEY GAME

THE 90 DAY MONEY GAME – Get ready to feel uncomfortable. Get ready to fail. The 90 Day Money Game is an ‘impossible’ game and I’m inviting YOU.

90dmg

86 Coaches on 3 continents are playing. JOIN US: www.facebook.com/groups/90daymoneygame

This game is designed to get you out of your head, beyond your story and past your fears of creating money.

WE PLAY AS A TEAM. WE BEGAN Monday AUGUST 18th – and WE END Saturday NOVEMBER 15th.

Too many people wait for clarity before taking action.

Taking action is actually a great way to get to clarity.

A reason I so often use challenges and games with my coaching clients is that it gets them out of their head and into flow. And that’s where the magic happens.

If you’ve been coaching for a while… or if you have a pretty full practice… if you’re ready to raise your rates… if you’re ready to sign your first paying clients… if you’re ready to save some money… if you’re ready to Turn Pro… if you’re ready to run your first group coaching program… if you’re ready to sign your first high-paying clients… or if you simply want to make some money… then I have a game for YOU:

I first learned of The 90 Day Money Game from my mentor, Michael Neill. And when I played it for the first time, I was pretty new as a coach and I’d been struggling to create money in this new career.

I figured it was worth a shot. So I picked what seemed to me like a crazy number.

My number was $20,000.

And my intention was to create it in the next 90 days.

And this seemed outrageous.

Remember my background was as a high-school teacher—I’d only ever been paid a salary at the end of each month. I’d never negotiated a raise. I’d never asked for a fee. I’d never been paid for a service in my life other than the time I’d washed a neighbours’ car to raise money—as an 11 year old Boy Scout!

– – – – – – – – – – –
THE TWIST – it’s all about the PROPOSALS not how much you make.
– – – – – – – – – – –

HERE ARE THE RULES:
1. PICK A NUMBER. An amount of money that you would love to create in the next 90 days.
2. MULTIPLY YOUR NUMBER BY 3 – this is the amount you will commit to making in PROPOSALS.
3. Get a HUGE sheet of paper and draw a FUN picture to represent that amount.
4. Divide it into smaller increments ($100s, $1,000s, even $10,000s—depending on your game).
5. Track every single DOLLAR that you PROPOSE for the next 90 days.
6. Color in part of your diagram to represent each $100, $1,000 or—for some of you—even each $10,000 you propose.

– – – – – – – – – – –

BONUS GAME = “THE NO GAME”
Track Your NOs.
That’s it!
Track every single NO you get. And celebrate them.
The more NOs the better you do!

– – – – – – – – – – –

THE KEY:
* Put your numbers in your face!
* Get a giant whiteboard.
* TRACK, TRACK, TRACK:
– Track your minutes spent on client creation.
– Track your conversations.
– Track your Proposals.
– Track your NOs.
– The key is to put your PROPOSALS IN YOUR FACE because proposals are under YOUR control.

The first time I played this game, I was new to coaching. I picked what felt like an outrageous number. And then I made $20K in about forty days. It blew my mind.

————————————-

STORY #1:
A couple of years ago, my wife Monique had an opportunity to fly to Hawaii to train with an awesome vocal teacher (Monique’s a jazz singer). She figured it would cost $21,000 to pay for her flights, accomodation and workshop plus it would also cover her flying me out for a week’s holdiay with her at the end.

I taught her The 90 Day Money Game.

She had fun with it and drew a HUGE picture of hula girls dancing around a GIANT thermometer. And then she tracked every dollar coming in. She never thought it would work. Creating that amount of money didn’t seem possible.

But what you focus on increases.
And it took her two months to create the entire amount.

————————————-

STORY #2:
I once had a client who was a coach—and I’d challenged him to play The 90 Day Money Game.

His goal was to create an additional $25K in 90 days from coaching clients. He was one of those people who learns best by teaching others, so he enrolled clients in a group program called The 90 Day Money Game as part of his own challenge.

He taught them everything he learned about the game, as he went along. He even designed a website that tracked their income. Between the seven of them, they created a total of $234,361 in 90 days.

————————————-

STORY #3:
A few years back, Steve Chandler and I ran our first 50 person event. We filled it one person at a time. One conversation at a time. At that time we had no social media, we had no community, we had no email lists.

At $1,000 a head, we filled this event one person at a time. One powerful conversation at a time.

It was often challenging.

But it was simple.

Every evening Steve and I reported to each other the number of MINUTES we’d spent in Client Creation.

We made it a game.
We made it a challenge.
We made it a competition!
And boy did we compete with each other.

I DEVOTED my time to Creating Clients.
I filled my calendar with powerful conversations.
And we FILLED that event.

————————————-

The 90 Day Money Game is simple but it ain’t easy.

DEVOTING your time to ONE thing is the most challenging job in the world.

ARE YOU UP FOR THE CHALLENGE?

The 90 Day Money Game began Monday August 18th and there’s still time to JOIN US.

You’ll track every dollar you PROPOSE.
You’ll track every HELL NO you get!
You’ll track every dollar you create.

And your world will change.

JOIN US: www.facebook.com/groups/90daymoneygame

Love. Rich

PS. Get ready to feel uncomfortable. Get ready to fail. Get ready to collect NOs. Lots of them.

Needy is Creepy

“Needy is Creepy” – Steve Chandler taught me this phrase and it changed my life as a Professional Coach.

Steve shared the following in our book, The Prosperous Coach:

“You will have a hard time really hearing your client if your own mind is occupied by your own needs, as in, “I need this client, I need this money so badly, I really can’t afford to lose this client, I’ll discount, I’ll do anything, I’ll become desperate—I really need it.”

If you’ve got this sense of extreme need in your mind, your behavior and your communication is going to push the person away. That’s because neediness is creepy.

We don’t want to be needy. We want to have it be the opposite. We want to talk and think deeply about the client’s world, not ours. The sale always occurs inside the client’s world.

If my client says, “Well, I’m going to think about this, I’ll get back to you,” I don’t want to keep calling and emailing this person like I’m needing this work. Anything needy is creepy to the other person. Human need in the world of business is really off‑putting. It causes people to not want to work with you. So it must be stopped.

Many times I have my clients who are coaches put on their computer the phrase “needy is creepy” just to remind them. Because look what people do. They check in, they touch base, they annoy people: “I’m just checking in. I’m just touching base. I’m just trying to find out if you are going to work with me. I’m just trying to find out if you are going to be my client,” and that’s really uncomfortable to another person.

We want to practice different ways to stay connected. We want to explore ways to deliver value in each communication. We practice these different approaches when we communicate because we’ll get clients so much faster that way.

If you haven’t heard back, send a gift and a note. Don’t even refer to working together. Contribute and serve. You don’t need them; they need you. Behave accordingly.”

Want to see what ‘needy’ looks like?

Watch Mikey:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u0PUrNwvvBk

DON’T BE LIKE MIKEY!

Love. Rich